My Journey

The Beginnings of My Story

This old guy was a raging but "functioning" alcoholic for (only) 37 years or so. More specifically, what I have stated in numerous AA meetings is that "I was suffering from two desperate diseases, alcoholism and atheism". (I have offended a few still-lost souls with that one...God help them).

Like millions of addicts before me, my life, my pride, my finances and my family were all in shambles. Somehow - no not somehow - clearly by The Grace of God, that has all been fully recovered. Praise the Lord.

While becoming sober and willing to find faith, several events happened. Here is just one of many that "changed me forever". One day when I was 18 months sober, I was climbing a Phoenix "mountain" with my son. About 50 feet from the mountain top I had a heart attack. Being a dumb-macho man, I denied that was happening, choosing to believe maybe I ripped a cartilage in my incredibly painful chest. Somehow, I managed to walk down that mountain. Continuing to ignore the obvious, I started driving myself home. Barely getting started on my faith journey away from atheism, I looked back over the mountain, up into the sky and prayed, "God, I was just at the top of a mountain. You could have just plucked me off that mountain top and lifted me home. Why didn't You do that?" I cannot say I heard a verbal response, but it was loud and clear in my emerging soul: "Because you have a story to tell and that story can help others. I want you to go to work for Me." Totally frightened and in incredible pain, a wonderful feeling of peace came over me. I somewhat reluctantly whispered, "OK! OK! You got me, Lord. My fight is over. I'm Yours. Let me know how I can best serve."

I maintain deep gratitude that I am very unique in the world of addictions - I am still married to, living with and deeply in love with my first wife. A true anomaly in the addiction world. Not through any of my efforts. From the dedicated and totally loving efforts of one certified angel that the Lord sent to this planet with specific instructions to find one totally lost soul, fix him, then send that hopeless fool His direction. Someday, hopefully not too soon, "Mrs Paul" will receive one huge attaboy and hug from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for a job well done.

My most major "spiritual willingness" came from songs I have written. (Oops, I quit lying somewhere during my first 5 years of sobriety). I am NOT a song writer. I am a song receiver. Both before and certainly after becoming sober, the Holy Spirit has sent me songs. When I least expect them. I believe with my brain functioning as an antenna, he sends me songs...specifically songs this lost soul has needed to hear and sing. I am only a scribe, writing furiously when each song comes in, hoping I don't miss anything. It is one amazing process. It IS the main process that turned me from a fumbling atheist-wanna-be to a totally transformed Child of God.

This website will continue to tell my story, through words and many of those songs, along with the story behind each song.

I hope you find some enjoyment reading and listening along, and I pray they help nudge you towards Him, as they have done for me. Note: In this website, I switch between "I" and "we". I am nothing without the certified angel I have lived with for 54 years, sharing my last name. She is "all in" with helping addicts and families, and "we" do this together. She actively participates in a group with other women affected by addicts, and/or have a personal history or current challenge with their own addiction. If you are the wife, mother, sister, niece, worried friend or whatever of someone in trouble with addictions, WE know you can relate. Our "contact" page will easily be given to her if your need is appropriate.

Blessings to all your efforts.